Abide

It’s been one of those weeks…those out of control, crazy weeks where I’m running like a crazy woman to juggle all the balls I’ve got going on, dropping several in the process while someone hurls an extra big one at my face. And to top it off, I’m flat and emotional. In a sentence…I’m so over myself!!!!

I feel like a failure! I feel like someone’s written a big fat F on my report card and plastered it to my chest.

There’s been a lot of crying out to God and it took me a few days to get there but I’ve finally asked myself the question… who’s actually handing me the ‘F’ for failure?

Is it me? Possibly…I certainly hold high expectations of myself. I desire to do everything well, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but when life gets a bit crazy, I’m not kind to myself. I don’t give myself the grace and compassion I would so generously extend to anyone else in my position.

Is it those around me? Sometimes… it’s easy to feel like others are judgmental and becoming frustrated when we don’t meet their expectations.

Is it the devil? Probably… He is the accuser (Rev 12:10). His purpose is to steal and destroy.(John 10:10)

Is it God? Definitely not!!! He’s not impressed with my striving, with how much I can achieve, or how many balls I can successfully juggle. He’s much more concerned with my heart, my intimacy with Him, and my heart for others. He’s concerned with who I’m becoming! (1 Sam 16:7b, Luke 10:27).

My favourite story in the bible is Mary and Martha, 2 sisters who had Jesus in their home. One spent her time preparing a feast, while the other sat at Jesus’ feet and listened to all He had to say. And I’m reminded that of all the things I invest my time and energy in, the one thing that will transform me, will speak life into me, will change the feelings of fail into love and truth, is my intimacy with God. Romans 8:16 says ‘God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are.’ His voice needs to be the loudest. It needs to drown out the critical voice of myself, the accusing voice of the enemy and the judgemental voice of others.

In the midst of my emotions, I got myself to church and oh how worship is good for the soul! As I lifted my voice in worship, my eyes lifted from my own inadequacies to my Heavenly Father who is bigger than everything I carry. I was reminded of His extravagant love for me and of who I am in Him. I am not perfect, but I’m perfectly loved. I’m His…fearfully and wonderfully made, loved, treasured, beloved. (Psalm 139:14, Ephesians 3:18-19, Song of Songs 7:10).

So, if you’re feeling like you’re failing, remember that God is our number 1 audience, that He’s not concerned with the striving but with a heart that is passionate about intimacy with Him, a heart that is passionate about loving and following Him. Our doing comes out of our being…out of being with Him, being loved, being transformed, being His. We are loved and accepted and Jesus has already paid the price for all of our failures.

So let’s connect with the voice of truth in our lives. Let’s allow His voice to be loudest by tuning into Him, and let’s allow the power of worshipping Him, to lift our eyes above our craziness to a powerful God who can carry us and all our stuff.

Blessings!

Tammy x